tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22188535376737713302024-03-13T11:33:49.649-04:00My Girlfriend's BlogMs. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-91230413539488028602013-01-10T21:58:00.000-05:002013-01-10T21:58:05.683-05:00Healing for My Soul III'm back with an update to my last post. Since I last wrote I've been going full steam ahead with the Daniel Fast. Though I started a week later than intended, it's been a good experience thus far. Aside from an occassional headache, I haven't had any adverse physical effects. I'm finding that I am not missing certain foods like I thought I would, well maybe cheese. I love cheese; it is hands down my favorite food! I digress...my husband and I are doing this together which makes it equally as fulfilling. I feel like my mind has been clearer and I'm truly focused on connecting with God on a deeper spiritual level. All in all I'm excited to see where this journey takes me for 2013.<br />
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For those people who may be interested in doing this for personal health reasons only, I've listed below the foods that are/aren't allowed. This is referred to as the Daniel Diet, the same applies minus the spiritual aspect.<br />
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<strong>Foods to include </strong><br />
All fruits and vegetables. These can be fresh, frozen, dried, juiced or canned. (Veggie Burgers are o.k.)<br />
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All whole grains, including but not limited to whole wheat, brown rice, millet, quinoa, oats, barley, grits, whole wheat pasta, whole wheat tortillas, rice cakes and popcorn.<br />
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All nuts and seeds, including but not limited to sunflower seeds, cashews, peanuts, sesame. Also nut butters including peanut butter.<br />
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All legumes (beans). These can be canned or dried. <br />
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All quality oils including but not limited to olive, canola, grape seed, peanut, and sesame. <br />
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Beverages: spring water, distilled water or other pure waters.<br />
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Other: tofu, soy products, vinegar, seasonings, salt, herbs and spices. (I personally have chosen to refrain from salt).<br />
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<strong>Foods to avoid </strong><br />
All meat and animal products including but not limited to beef, lamb, pork, poultry, and fish. <br />
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All dairy products including but not limited to milk, cheese, cream, butter, and eggs. <br />
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All sweeteners including but not limited to sugar, raw sugar, honey, syrups, molasses, and cane juice.<br />
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All leavened bread including Ezekiel Bread (it contains yeast and honey) and baked goods.<br />
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All refined and processed food products including but not limited to artificial flavorings, food additives, chemicals, white rice, white flour, and foods that contain artificial preservatives.<br />
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All deep fried foods including but not limited to potato chips, French fries, corn chips.<br />
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All solid fats including shortening, margarine, lard and foods high in fat.<br />
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Beverages including but not limited to coffee, tea, herbal teas, carbonated beverages, energy drinks, and alcohol. <br />
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Whether you choose to do this as a fast or for dieting purposes, it is extremely important to READ ALL LABELS!<br />
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That's all for now! Enjoy and have an awesome weekend!<br />
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Ms. Ty<br />
<br />Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-50406106364782096772013-01-01T18:18:00.001-05:002013-01-01T18:18:58.118-05:00Healing for My SoulFor the past two years now, my girlfriends and I have joined together to do what is called the Daniel Fast (<a href="http://www.daniel-fast.com/" target="_blank">www.daniel-fast.com</a>). This fast typically occurs the beginning of the year (now) and lasts 21 days. The basis for the fast is to follow the same diet restrictions utilized by Daniel in the Bible. Though the fast itself can result in weight loss, our purpose is to gain spiritual clarity and total body cleansing. In addition to the dietary restrictions we share scripture, inspirational messages (texts, email, phone) and prayer. It's an awesome experience that not only brings you closer to God but also builds us up as sisters.<br />
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Having had the latter part of 2012 be quite trying, I thought what better way to start the blog year than to chronicle the first major girlfriend's undertaking of 2013. It's won't be easy but I'm sure in the end it will be worth it. Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-67556989727556266032011-05-27T14:43:00.001-04:002011-05-27T14:44:27.624-04:00Know Your RoleHow many times have you heard the phrase, "know your role," "play your position," or "know your place?" I would venture to say more times than you can remember. These are statements that are commonly used in sports, the work environment, and more importantly relationships. To "know your role" in sports often translates to, you're not the star but the supporting cast. In this instance you provide back-up and stay out of said star's way. The same applies to the work environment; (hopefully) you wouldn't walk into the CFO's office demanding a policy change if you weren't among senior level management. With all of that said, why do we as women not apply the same mode of thinking to our dealings with men (marriage/relationships)?<br />
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First let me start off by saying that I have very traditional views on how marriage should be. Though I was raised predominantly by my mother and grandmother, the "I don't need a man" attitude never manifested itself into my person. I am a strong believer in marriage as it is defined between a man and woman. Within that definition there are rules (traditionally/biblical) that I feel define the role of each person. Now, I'm sure some of you out there may think that I am crazy. Some of you may even view my statements as "setting us back." However, I believe we (women) in this country fight so hard to be equal to men that we lose a sense of what sets us apart in the first place. Just because I can take out the trash or lift heavy furniture doesn't mean that I want to. Our role is to be a helpmate, a support system to the men in our lives. It is not to berate them or act like their mother, they already have one. On the flip side I don't believe that a woman should be dismissed as a passive, silent partner either. The balance lies in "knowing your role." Men, are by design supposed to be the leader of the family. Women by design are the nurturers. In most cases when you need to cry it out you go to your mom. If you need a straight no chaser pep talk, you'd probably go to dad. I do realize that this isn't always the case, but I believe it was supposed to be that way. <br />
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The point of this isn't to go into religion or the definition of what a family unit should be, but to show that naturally we all have roles. Whether we choose to recognize them as such is another story. I do believe that if we all took time to observe the relationship interactions around us we'd see them more clearly.<br />
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Yours Truly,<br />
Ms. TyMs. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-57165113920470339632011-03-15T22:33:00.000-04:002011-03-15T22:33:07.913-04:00The ShowEntertainment comes in many forms: traveling, sports, gambling, boating, movies, theater, and the list can go on and on. The bigger the bank roll the more vast the playground. An area of entertainment that always comes under scrutiny is the adult entertainment industry; in particular exotic dancers. From gentlemen clubs to male reviews people from all walks of life flock to get their “shake-a-booty” fix. I know I’m going to catch some flack about this from my friends, but I’m willing to put it out there for the sake of getting the discussion going. So let’s do it…<br />
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It’s been heavily debated whether or not those in relationships (especially men) should spend time in strip clubs. The moral court says that it presents temptation men/women should not be exposed to. The feminist court says that men who venture to these places are misogynistic and that the women are victims. The court of free will says who cares as long as no one is cheating. Ask anyone out there male or female and I’m sure you’ll get an opinion. What’s surprising to most is that I err on the side of free will. In my opinion a stripper is no more tempting than a cute co-worker or sexy intern if the intent is there. What people fail to realize is regardless of how many rules or stipulations you have in place; if someone wants to be dishonest and cheat they will find a way. Ironically enough, that way will more than likely be with someone you know as opposed to Candy from Delilah’s. In my lifetime I’ve had a few encounters with the strip club scene. <br />
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From those encounters I observed the following:<br />
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1. Female patrons are much more aggressive than their male counterparts<br />
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2. Female patrons appear to be married and over the age of 30<br />
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3. Female patrons appear to spend a lot of money in strip clubs<br />
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4. Female patrons don't seem to be phased by interacting with half naked men.<br />
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That being said it boils down to the common societal stereotype that good girls don’t take off their clothes for money. Bad boys, on the other hand, can do what they please. I didn’t see any women at the club telling “Dark Stranger” he should be ashamed of himself. If anything they prompted him to take it off!<br />
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Final Word: A strip club, like any of the other activities previously named, is no more than a form of entertainment. The problem ensues when boundaries are crossed and your homelife is no longer a priority. Having breakfast, lunch and dinner at the Player's Club (by the way eating at a strip club is gross) is definitely a sign that something is wrong in your relationship. The key is that everything should be done in moderation.<br />
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Thanks for reading!<br />
Ms. TyMs. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-8945919738253555162011-03-04T10:10:00.001-05:002011-03-04T13:38:39.596-05:00SuperwomanWe’ve all encountered “super women” in our lives. Women like our mothers, grandmothers, and aunts are held in regard as the consummate SUPERWOMAN. There have been songs written over time about women who appear to be able to do everything for everyone. What does that do to our psyche? What does it say about who we are as women?<br />
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Some of you may remember the 1988 hit, “Superwoman” by R&B artist Karyn White. In it she expresses her frustrations with trying to do everything in her relationship from, cooking breakfast to maneuvering through rush hour, yet it all seems to go unnoticed. In the chorus she says, “I’m not your superwoman…boy I am only human, this girl needs more than occasional hugs as token of love from you to me.” <br />
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In 2007, Alicia Keys released her own song titled the same, in which she embraces being all and every woman. In it Keys sings, “Cause I am superwoman, yes I am, still when I’m a mess I still put on a vest with an S on my chest.”<br />
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For all of the women out there who are or who try to be everything these two songs speak volumes. Women are innately wired to take care of other people. Yes, I know this is a generalization, but it is one I am willing to make. On one hand we take care of our children, spouses, or even our parents. Add to that our work responsibilities, school (if applicable), and personal hobbies/activities and you have the formula for a SUPERWOMAN. However, as in Karyn White’s song, sometimes we just don’t want to be that person. As much as we enjoy taking care of our loved ones, it’s equally as nice to know that someone is willing to take care of us. If we don’t step back from the day to day rigors of life we run the risk of being unable to take care of others, and ourselves as well. For as super as we are at some point we have to take off the cape and put out the sign that reads: Out to lunch.Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-47139967334316495532010-10-16T00:00:00.000-04:002010-10-16T00:00:23.493-04:00Out of Obligation<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">How many times have we been told that communication is key? It's key on the job, abroad, and within the home. There is no area in our lives that cannot benefit from proper communication. That being said, the dynamic between male and female communication is complex to say the least. Not to say that the roles aren't sometimes reversed; men can be quite abstract in their interpretation of things, while women at times tend to take things for their literal meaning. This brings me to the topic of acting out of obligation. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Obligation~ </span><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">something by which a person is bound or obliged to do certain things, and which arises out of a sense of duty or results from custom, law, etc. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">2. an indebtedness </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">3. a favor, service, or benefit for which gratitude is due </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">When speaking about obligation I often think of moral, financial, and career responsibilities. For instance, you are obligated to provide proper care for your children and to show up to work on time. When looked at from that perspective it makes it hard to view obligation as anything other than something you are <strong>required</strong> to do. </span><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">This viewpoint almost makes obligation seem like a bad word. No one wants to feel like they are being forced to do anything. In my opinion my fiance does not open the car door out of a sense of indebtedness, it is because he wants to. You cooking dinner for your boyfriend/husband is not because you owe him a favor. </span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">Wherein a female may choose another word, men probably view obligation as, "take care of me because you love me" versus "do things because you owe me." My point is that lapses in communication take place all of the time. Men and women naturally view things differently, however we are obligated in our relationships to keep the line of communication open even when we disagree on the semantics.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span> Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-83178158696253934682010-10-10T03:06:00.004-04:002010-10-10T03:18:31.776-04:00Stay Tuned...It's been a while since I've last connected with you, but as you know life happens. Sometimes it happens faster than we like, which is my case. Despite this I'm back and ready to discuss some good topics that are bound to get the dialogue going. With all that's occurred in 2010 I know we will have a good time ushering in 2011. As always be blessed!<br /><br />Ms. TyMs. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-35261106601146952572010-02-15T21:04:00.007-05:002010-02-15T22:01:27.292-05:00He Loves Me He Loves Me NotValentines Day...flowers, jewelry, candy and maybe even a car! So, does that mean he loves you any more? <br /><br />I've read anti-Valentine Facebook posts and had several conversations about the "day of love." To my amazement there are a lot of people who do not support or believe in the holiday, my boyfriend is one. His logic and the logic of others is this...why put emphasis on buying things, showing love, on one designated day; when you should be doing this year round. I do have to also mention his disdain for the "evil empire Hallmark", whom he believes has set out to capitalize on the holiday. That being said, what do you think?<br /><br />The history of Valentines Day has nothing to do with love at all. The Valentines were early Christian martyrs from the 1st century. The most notable were a Roman priest and bishop. It was not until the 14th century that romantic elements were introduced. Fast forward to 1847 when the first Valentine cards were created by Esther Howland of Great Britain. What started out as a small card business is now a multi-million dollar machine.<br /><br />It's nice to receive a thoughtful card, chocolates and jewelry. I'd be lying if I said otherwise; however if one day of love and bliss is all you have during the year then something is wrong. It shouldn't take Valentines Day to hear your significant other say, "I love you and you're the most important person in my life." You shouldn't have to wait for that one day to receive flowers or jewelry. For some, it's the only time of the year that your significant other acknowledges your existence. If this is the case then there is cause for re-evaluation. <br /><br />Your worth is not tied to a card or a fancy dinner. It is in the things that you do everyday like; your ability to encourage, maintain a household, hold down a job, and keep friendships/relationships in tact. No, I didn't get candy or flowers but the love and support I do get throughout the year mean far more than any material items received on one day!Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-18510009760568195632010-01-22T13:04:00.005-05:002010-01-29T19:40:00.122-05:00New Year, New You10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!<br /><br /><br />With the ushering in of 2010 we not only get a fresh start to a new year, but a new decade as well. This opens the door of opportunity for a new attitude, thought process, view on life, etc. To get there requires us to leave behind all that held us back in 2009.<br /><br />So many times we get bogged down by what should have or could have been. Oftentimes we're so fixated on our shortcomings that we can't see our triumphs. This should be a time for self reflection and re-direction. If things didn't work out in 2009, fix them in 2010. If you had a negative attitude in 2009, strive to be more positive in 2010. If life was full of doom and gloom, focus on those things that are full of hope. Believe that this year will be different and put the actions needed to make it so in play. It's not about a resolution...but a life change. Keep in mind our thoughts dictate our actions and our actions dictate our lives.<br /><br />Like the changing of the seasons, a new year allows you to metamorphose into something more beautiful and spectacular than before. Remember it's a brand new day and new beginning for you. Take advantage of this chance to grow a better you!Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-37174183596036672712010-01-08T18:41:00.011-05:002010-01-20T21:53:57.729-05:00What's Up With Your HairBraids, dreads, weaves, wigs, extensions, ponytails, twists, naturals, afros, press & curls, relaxers, doobies, jheri curls and finger waves...some chic and not so chic hairstyles black women have worn to express and define their style throughout the years.<br /><br />The Science:<br /><br />The kinky texture of our hair served as protection from extremely hot temperatures in Africa. Basically the texture and thickness of our hair is what kept the sun's UV rays, from scorching our heads and prevented overheating of the body and brain. Based on this discovery I immediately thought natural is probably better. However, natural isn't always convenient or manageable.<br /><br />Usher in relaxers...<br /><br />In the early 19th century a man by the name of Garrett Augustus Morgan discovered that it was possible to change the structure of the hair shaft; via the chemical sodium hydroxide. During the relaxing process the cream based chemical is applied to the hair at the root. After being left on for several minutes the hair begins to straighten. For those of us with unruly thick hair this is a Godsend, however it also causes irreparable damage to your hair. Additionally, it may cause damage to the scalp and hair loss if left on too long.<br /><br /><br />Myth 1: We wear fake hair to look like other races<br /><br />In all honesty weave and wigs aren't worn because we're trying to be someone other than ourselves. Weave and wigs are worn out of convenience or the need for change. Oftentimes they're worn to take the daily stress off of our own hair. Furthermore, they offer versatility without having to alter your own mane. For instance if you want to test out a new haircut it's much better to do with a weave or wig.<br /><br />Myth 2: Our hair doesn't grow long<br /><br />Sometimes people see a black woman with long hair and immediately think weave...not so! The growth rate of hair is on a case by case basis. There are those black women whose hair grows like weeds and others that don't. A lot of what we put in our hair contributes to its overall health and ultimately its growth. If your hair is healthy and well taken care of it will grow.<br /><br />Hair clearly serves a physiological purpose but is often seen more as an accessory of sorts. Understanding how black hair works is the best west way to appreciate its uniqueness. With that being said there's also the need to recognize that what works for some may not work for others.Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-23258961884191538552009-12-29T08:22:00.004-05:002009-12-30T14:26:50.822-05:00...And Why Are You So Mad?<em>"Always demand respect; if you carry yourself with respect a bum cursing on the street will honor that. Don't allow anyone to talk to or treat you any kind of way regardless of their status or title." - <strong>C. Farmer (mom)</strong></em><br /><br /><br /><strong>The Past:</strong><br /><br />Black women for generations have been the backbone of their communities and families. During slavery, when black men were sold off to other plantations or killed, it was the female who was left to look after the family. For years black women were subjected to the dismantling of their families (via internal and external circumstances), suffered abuse and rape; sometimes by their own family members. It is strength and resolve that have aided in the endurance of these situations. Harriet Tubman, Sojourner Truth and Rosa Parks are women who exemplified strength and went on to become some of the most notable women in history. This in totality is our legacy.<br /><br /><strong>Perception, Perception, Perception:</strong><br /><br />I've discussed this topic with friends several times and our opinions are typically the same. More recently a male friend, in response to a story I told, said "don’t go ABW on them." I think the heart of the matter is purely about respect. If a black woman feels like her boss, son/daughter, husband, or whoever else is being disrespectful they dish out a tongue lashing. Being a black woman I empathize with, as well as, admonish this response. I also understand that at times demanding respect can be mistaken for anger; other times ignorance and plain nastiness is the culprit. Ensuring that you are heard and standing up for yourself is not a showing of anger. Though, if this is accompanied by the infamous neck roll and teeth sucking, parodied in movies, it will be taken as such. I recognize there are those of us who like to use this ideology as an intimidation tactic...i.e. no one wants to piss off the one black woman in the office. That being said I think most would like to be known as a woman just like any other; who may have her highs and lows. That doesn't mean we haven't inherited a little bit of sass from Big Momma or Auntie, it just means we know when to check it at the door. As I stated before, a lot of how one reacts and deals with issues has more to do with personal experience than race. It is when you feed into the stigma that it becomes a reality.<br /><br />As always be blessed and Happy New Year!Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-35268541282047148952009-12-20T01:15:00.000-05:002009-12-20T01:15:12.628-05:00Stop Dating Our MenIn discussing this topic, I'm reminded of a scene in the movie Jungle Fever (1991). Queen Latifah, playing a waitress, at the soul food restaurant Sylvia’s completely ignores Wesley Snipes and Annabella Sciorra who are sitting at a table in her station. Wesley asks if they can place their order, at which point she hurls insults saying, "Go parade your white woman around somewhere else." This sentiment has been echoed in other films including; The Brothers and Waiting to Exhale, ironically enough this ideology is often present in those films written or produced by black film makers.<br />
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In these instances one might say, I've proved the myth right...but what's really behind it all?<br />
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First off let me begin by saying, personally I have no problem with black men dating white women. I do however; have a problem with those men who generalize women and date based on that generalization. For instance, I've heard black men say they only date white women because they are easy or gullible. On the other hand I've had black men tell me that they don't date black women because we have too much attitude or lack class. Both view points I deem to be insulting. Prefacing this statement with, in my experiences, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that "most" black women, especially from the later generations, do not have a problem issue with black men dating white women. <br />
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The problem as I see it is this... <br />
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Until the latter part of the 20th century most black women were portrayed as or thought to be mammies; the overweight Aunt Jemima type with prominent "African features," deemed unattractive. Only those closer in appearance to their white counterparts (i.e. Lena Horne, Josephine Baker) were revered in society. White women on the other hand, were viewed as pure, perfect and the prototype of beauty. It's with this philosophy that black women have a problem. Black women are frequently portrayed in a misogynistic manner or regarded as over sexed booty shakers. Unfortunately, we seldom see black women consistently depicted in a positive light. Add to that; accusations of Beyonce being airbrushed a lighter complexion on a magazine cover, Lil Kim severely altering her appearance (blue eyes, thin nose), and countless "most beautiful people" lists excluding the likes of Sanaa Lathan and Angela Bassett. All of these issues, in effect, add to the myth. <br />
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It would be absurd of me to think that every black woman shares my sentiments on this topic. That being said, society is foolish to believe that most black women don't. This country's history is largely predicated on race; race and the prejudices surrounding it will ALWAYS play a part in how we view ourselves and each other. All women have their strengths and weaknesses. Who we are in life varies not just by race; but our upbringing, demographics and personal experiences. It is wise to keep these things in mind before assigning a blanket stereotype. My synopsis is that until we stop allowing society to dictate our "ranking" this will remain an issue and topic for debate. <br />
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As always thank you for giving audience to my post. I hope that you enjoy what I've written and feel moved to comment. <br />
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Be Blessed!Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-77681063557161754172009-11-10T21:41:00.005-05:002009-11-10T23:04:00.045-05:00A Purpose Driven MomentI'm not a deeply religious person, though I am very spiritual. My beliefs and faith in God guide me in everything that I do (though I periodically slip-up). Still, I felt led to talk about this. Sometimes we struggle in life trying to find our purpose and place; doubt plagues our minds and our hearts. If you were raised in a Christian based environment then you know it is at these moments you have to rely on your faith to get through.<br /><br />I recently be-friended someone who was going through some tough times in their life and needed a real friend. Additionally, I was questioning God's reasoning for placing me in an environment with so much turmoil and instability. However, I quickly realized that it was not about me but was a chance for me to use my own experiences to minister to someone else. All in all it is not how many church services we attend or auxiliaries we belong to; it's about showing God's grace through our actions.<br /><br />I do not believe that our encounters with others are by happenstance. Nor do I believe that the trials we go through are our own. What I do believe is that we often endure so that our victory can be a testimony for someone else. On this day I thank God for turning every adverse event in my life into something positive. I thank Him even more for giving me the strength I needed to get through them. It is because of those low moments that I am able to attest to the high ones yet to come. I can now say that I fully understand what a purpose driven moment is. May God's grace be with you all.Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-39151379938088402312009-11-04T20:42:00.005-05:002009-11-04T22:22:05.099-05:00I'm A FlirtA wink here, a smile there...but what's really good with flirting!<br /><br /><br />Scenario 1: You're out with your girlfriends in a club on a Friday night. The music is great, the atmosphere is groovy and the drinks are flowing! For once you're allowing yourself the opportunity to enjoy some "me time" with the girls while your significant other is at home. A very dapper gentleman (your type) sends you a drink and requests your presence at his table. You oblige, opting to check him out. When you get to the table he is smooth as silk with his approach. You eventually grin and giggle your way into oblivion. By the time it's all over you're ready to give out everything but your SSN.<br />It's only talking right...<br /><br />Depending on how far you take it flirting can quickly turn from an eye wink to something much more sinister. We all like to know that we still have it, but at what cost? Is it going too far to give out a number over an email? Should a drink from a potential suitor be accepted if your married/in a relationship? <br /><br />In the end it's all based upon the individual and the circumstance. My advice is to be cognizant of how your actions are perceived by the recipient, your partner and others. Flirting can indeed be harmless and even fun, but in the wrong situation can lead to serious trouble.Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-410726048336440672009-09-26T12:46:00.007-04:002009-09-26T13:52:14.891-04:00I Feel Like A WomanA good friend of mine recently, brought to my attention a question about womanhood. Actually it's more of the perception of what being a woman truly embodies. Style, poise, beauty and femininity are often words that we hear to describe women. However, that is just scratching the surface. What about those things within that determine our womanhood. Characteristics like strength, courage, wisdom, and a gentle spirit.<br /><br /><br />In today's society it is the outward appearance that gives merit to how women are defined. If we wear <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">stilettos</span> over flats we're deemed sexier. If the clothing that we wear is couture than we're considered fashionable. Television, print and radio paint pictures of women that in most cases have nothing to do with our inner selves. Unfortunately, that mode of thinking has us all running around like mad trying to fit into society's ideology of a woman.<br /><br /><br />That being said, here's what a much higher authority has to say about women...<br /><br />"She is clothed with strength and honor..."<br /><br />"She opens her mouth with wisdom and loving instruction is on her tongue..."<br /><br />"Charm is destructive and beauty is deceitful but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised."<br /><br />"A generous woman gains honor..."<br /><br />"Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who rejects discretion."<br /><br />"Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies."<br /><br /><br />Our sense of sight makes it hard to view ourselves and others; from the inside out instead of the outside in. I challenge you all to look at yourselves for who you really are. When you take away the make-up, fancy clothes and sweet smelling perfume what are you left with? Do you have a peaceful inner being that radiates outwardly showing your true beauty? Or are you riddled with pessimism and cynicism; overall a negative person despite physical beauty.<br /><br /><br />The lesson here is that our womanhood should not be measured by how we fill out a pair of jeans or carry ourselves amongst the elite. It is our character and what we stand for that make us real women.Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-382095315755559282009-08-27T10:40:00.000-04:002009-08-27T22:40:51.443-04:00Bag Lady<object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IRZ2s_VMffQ&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IRZ2s_VMffQ&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />We've all heard about the "good ole faithful," it describes any possession that's been our go to for ages. Whether it's the ratty pair of sweats, dilapidated slippers or frayed sweater; we hold on never dreaming of throwing it away.<br /><br />Oftentimes we treat our mental and emotional scars in the same manner. Regardless of how good our present lives may be we drift back to days long gone, reflecting on our hurts and shortcomings. We allow them to play on our psyche, thus inadvertently causing grief. The result; lack of trust, self doubt, emotional detachment and the list goes on. Nothing good comes out of carrying around luggage from the past. In a nutshell it stifles your growth; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. We cannot move on if we're constantly referencing what happened back when. Just because the relationship with Bill didn't work out doesn't mean the same will happen with Bob. Just because a friend betrayed us doesn't mean that we should never open ourselves up to friendship again. You get the point.<br /><br />We've been bumped, bruised and knocked down at times...but we get up. It's not easy but it is essential to the development of our character. It boils down to this...Life chapter 7 will not begin favorably if we don't get pass chapter 5. We can't change the past but we can change our reaction to it. Stop letting old things crowd your closet...throw away the slippers, sweats and sweaters and decide to pack light!Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-32267462245895060762009-08-11T19:40:00.007-04:002009-08-12T13:14:55.859-04:00What About Your FriendsProverbs 18:25<br />A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly:and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.<br /><br />My mother drilled into me at a young age, "be careful who you call friend, the ones closest to you can hurt you the most." Over time I've come to understand what that truly means. Not everyone you call friend will be a friend to you. In my life I've encountered many people that well deserve the title and others who did not. It wasn't until I was older that I became careful not to misuse the word "friend." The term friend means different things to different people. Some consider a friend to be the go to, down-for-whatever party goer. Others view a friend as a lunch buddy they hang out with at work. Then there are those people who see a friend as someone to bail them out of trouble or hook them up with perks. In fact a friend is much more than that.<br /><br />As women, we tend to form a stronger emotional bond to the people around us. Therefore, our friendships often go deeper than just social gatherings and clothes swapping. The people I've called "friend,"commonly ended up being more like family. Those that I consider to be true friends, even now, are my family. These are women who challenge me to move forward in pursuing my dreams; setting fear aside. Women who have prayed with me at some of the lowest points in my life. Women who will put me in my place or tell me when I am dead wrong; not out of malice but because they know the type of person I am trying to be. Women who know when something is wrong without saying a word and have the wherewithal to offer a word of encouragement. All of these things and more are what friendship is about.<br /><br />We sometimes find ourselves in a place of life re-evaluation. The things that used to work in high school or college don't any more. And unfortunately some of the friendships we've forged are casualties of change; for good and bad. Like an email I once read stated; "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." I challenge you all to take a long look at yourself and those around you and ask; "which one am I?"<br /><br />Friendship is a gift; enjoy it and cherish it while you have it!Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-59393704067531594232009-07-30T19:28:00.004-04:002009-08-05T09:04:56.631-04:00She's Just Not That Into YouLadies...we've heard of, seen the movie or read the book, <u>He's Just Not That Into You</u>. However, that was from a male perspective. What about those women who just aren't that into a guy. A few of my friends have had some interesting experiences with men they're "just not that into." I have two points of view on this topic...I'll refer to them as Heads and Tails.<br /><br /><br /><br />Heads:<br /><br />You've been tossing around the idea of giving this guy a chance. He professes to be the one, treats you well and may even be willing to drink your bath water. Yet for some reason it just doesn't work. It could be the absence of physical attraction, mental stimulation, or any other shortcomings. More often than not he's oblivious to the fact that each interaction takes serious work on your part and can clearly go way left at any given moment. On the flip side you may have told him that you and he are like ships passing in the night and he still doesn't get it. In the end it simply boils down to you not being interested. Funny enough (I'm guilty of this) we tend to be apologetic when we aren't "into" someone. We blame ourselves for not recognizing a good man and often agonize about not liking this guy. I say, "bull" to that mode of thinking. Really when is the last time you heard a man complain or feel bad about a woman he wasn't into. They chalk it up to lack of chemistry and call it a day. So why can't we do the same? Maybe it's just our caring nature that keeps most of us from being a complete shrew. Either way "the heart wants what the heart wants," so deal with it!<br /><br /><br />Tails:<br /><br />In retrospect it seems like some of the men I passed up during my 20s were probably best for me at the time. There was one in particular, that I deemed boring. He was always nice and tried to woo me on several occasions yet, I never wanted anything to do with him. I was going for the more superficial things; i.e. good looks, popularity, body type, etc. I had a standard and was hell bent on sticking to it. Unfortunately that mode of thinking didn't get me far. Had I given Mr. X the time of day, and not the other guy I probably would have saved myself a great deal of heartache. That all being said, I think everyone deserves a chance. If you give it a chance and it doesn't work then at least you tried. To not try at all limits what could have been a good relationship with a guy who isn't so bad after all.<br /><br /><br /><br />In the end Mr. Right could very well be everything you never knew you always wanted.Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-65518494755108370872009-07-27T19:14:00.009-04:002009-07-27T20:45:09.357-04:00Fools Rush In<span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#663366;">In the last two years I've been to/invited to; 5 weddings and 4 baby showers. Not to mention countless birth and engagement announcements. It's enough to make your head spin. In all actuality it's no wonder that so many of us "rush in" to relationships; throwing caution to the wind with one goal in mind...GET A RING! </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#663366;">We're proud of our crowning academic achievements, accolades from senior management for saving the company millions or having the wherewithal to purchase a home. However, as we take stock of our lives and start ticking off the boxes we find that we're already 30+; unmarried and without children. Once this happens the proverbial "clock" seems to start ticking louder with each passing day. Simply put it's pressure...from parents, grandparents, friends, family and our subconscious. This pressure often causes us to make erratic decisions...thus rushing in!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#663366;">I distinctly remember a conversation with an uncle a few years back. I was about 26 years old, single, and having fun. He asked if I were a lesbian because I didn't have a boyfriend or fiancee. I was taken aback for a moment because I didn't think there was anything wrong with my "dating life." I've had friends tell me their families have asked about marriage and children as well. One would think that with the escalating divorce rate and rampant infidelity, our vigilance would be applauded. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#663366;">Rushing in to anything, especially a relationship is never a good idea. It takes time to build a foundation and learn what a person is like. Being with someone or getting involved just for the sake of being, is often our demise. I am a firm believer in knowing how to be alone FIRST. This may sound extreme but if we cannot go out to dinner or a movie with ourselves then we don't need to be in a relationship. We have to stand on our own before we can be a crutch to someone else. Now when I say crutch I don't mean taking on a lot of mess or being naive. I am referring to a support system, yin and yang...the ultimate balancing act. How can we help keep balance if we aren't balanced?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#663366;">A final thought...being alone is not an automatic negative. It's during our alone time we've probably grown more and learned more about ourselves than we ever could while in a serious relationship. It's a time to really pay attention to our own needs and get ourselves together mentally, spiritually and physically. Sometimes we are being prepared for our future husband. So, ladies the next time someone questions your relationship status simply smile and say, " I'm happily single!"</span>Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-58011102375346266332009-07-19T20:37:00.000-04:002009-07-19T20:36:56.345-04:00You Say She's Just A Friend<span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#cc33cc;">We've heard it a million times the age old adage...men and women cannot be friends. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#cc33cc;">So what's the answer?</span><br /><br /><br /><object height="285" width="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/fuUhwFXM6Gg&hl=en&fs=1&border=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/fuUhwFXM6Gg&hl=en&fs=1&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="340" height="285"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#cc33cc;">Adult humor aside, male and female friendships (in my opinion) have one of two outcomes: 1) a blissful co-existence where all parties are best buds or 2) a contentious relationship between girlfriend/wife and friend. Case in point...I had a friend with whom I'd known since high school, we were like brother and sister. And you know what his "new girlfriend" could not stand me. Our friendship was the topic of several arguments; needless to say he and I barely talk anymore. What's sad in my case is that we were NEVER anything more than friends. No spark, flare or attraction...nothing. He used to refer to me as being like a piece of furniture...just there. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#cc33cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#cc33cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#cc33cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#cc33cc;">Though Chris Rock jokes about being in the "friend zone" or "d**k in a glass case." From the outside looking in that may be an accurate perspective. Personally I believe men and women can be platonic friends but theory begs to differ. Theory says: He would love to have sex if the opportunity arose and she naively believes that he sees her as just "one of the guys." Additionally the actions of others, significant others in particular, can make it almost impossible to have a successful friendship with the opposite sex. A hug, reference to the past or maybe just too many giggles can cast doubt. Be honest...did your mind wonder when your boyfriend introduced you to the attractive woman he's known since college, who hugged him a bit too long? </span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#cc33cc;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:85%;color:#cc33cc;">Let's face it, we live in an environment where we're always sizing up the competition. Songs like, "Don'tCha" by the Pussycat Dolls don't make it any better. In the end, we have to be confident enough in ourselves and our relationships to know that we fit the bill. So, the next time you and your guy run into the gal pal from college compliment her on her shoes, flash a smile and keep it moving!</span>Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2218853537673771330.post-37732708672830376512009-07-12T22:40:00.004-04:002009-07-13T14:11:45.725-04:00What Is The Total Package?<span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;">In a day where relationships are built more on financial compatibility and less on emotion; my girlfriends and I often question what characteristics are most important. Attraction and chemistry aside; what can we live with and what are the deal breakers? Is it a man's education, status in society, credit score and luxury car that make him the "Total Package," or is it something more substantive?</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;">Let's take a deeper look...</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="color:#cc66cc;">Don't get me wrong that Wharton MBA looks really good on paper. It will open doors to an elite society before the ink completely dries on Mr. TP's degree. </span><span style="color:#cc66cc;">The </span><span style="color:#cc66cc;">850 credit score ensures a house in Georgetown and a credit limit that would put the FED to shame. All things considered; what does that really say about the man? That he has good tastes, manages money well or he's an overachiever.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;">Material things last but so long. When it's all said and done if a man doesn't have a caring spirit, unconditional love and compassion and understanding; he's already lost half the battle. In today's society we're told that bigger is better, excess is accepted and the little things are just that...little. A single rose pales in comparison to a dozen. A dinner at Longhorn just doesn't have the same flair as Morton's. And God forbid you buy jewelry from any other store than Tiffany. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;">A final thought...</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;">An Electrician can be just as much the "Total Package" as a Banker. It's not your title or status but what you do with what you have to make your life and your partner's better. It simply comes down to character. Will this man have your back all of the time? Will he sacrifice for you to make you happy? When you're feeling down can you count on him for encouragement? Is he a friend as well as partner? Can he make you laugh? Those are the things that matter most. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="color:#cc66cc;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="color:#cc33cc;"><span style="color:#cc66cc;">My Mr. TP</span> </span>isn't 6'2", he's 5'10". He doesn't weigh 200 lbs all muscle, but is 175 with a slim athletic build. He doesn't drive a Mercedes but owns the car he does have. He doesn't go on trips around the world but takes modest vacations. He doesn't know about all of the fashion raves in Paris but looks damn good in a suit. All in all he makes me laugh, loves me unconditionally and keeps me grounded. More importantly he's a man of God...what more could I ask for?!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;">Until next time be blessed!</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc66cc;">Ms. Ty</span>Ms. Tyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04269007099334645894noreply@blogger.com4