We've heard it a million times the age old adage...men and women cannot be friends.
So what's the answer?
Adult humor aside, male and female friendships (in my opinion) have one of two outcomes: 1) a blissful co-existence where all parties are best buds or 2) a contentious relationship between girlfriend/wife and friend. Case in point...I had a friend with whom I'd known since high school, we were like brother and sister. And you know what his "new girlfriend" could not stand me. Our friendship was the topic of several arguments; needless to say he and I barely talk anymore. What's sad in my case is that we were NEVER anything more than friends. No spark, flare or attraction...nothing. He used to refer to me as being like a piece of furniture...just there.
Though Chris Rock jokes about being in the "friend zone" or "d**k in a glass case." From the outside looking in that may be an accurate perspective. Personally I believe men and women can be platonic friends but theory begs to differ. Theory says: He would love to have sex if the opportunity arose and she naively believes that he sees her as just "one of the guys." Additionally the actions of others, significant others in particular, can make it almost impossible to have a successful friendship with the opposite sex. A hug, reference to the past or maybe just too many giggles can cast doubt. Be honest...did your mind wonder when your boyfriend introduced you to the attractive woman he's known since college, who hugged him a bit too long?
Let's face it, we live in an environment where we're always sizing up the competition. Songs like, "Don'tCha" by the Pussycat Dolls don't make it any better. In the end, we have to be confident enough in ourselves and our relationships to know that we fit the bill. So, the next time you and your guy run into the gal pal from college compliment her on her shoes, flash a smile and keep it moving!
3 comments:
Wow . . .the big topic! I have had guys that I am still friends with eventhough I'm married. Most of those are the guys I never had a relationship with and it is mostly via email or facebook. I rarely if at all see them in person or talk to them on the phone. Now the ones I have had relationships with, I had to cut them off. As much as it was just suppose to be innocent, I just didn't trust it and didn't want to put myself in a situation where I could be tempted. That may say how weak I am, but at least I am honest and know my limits. I love my husband and will never cross that line with an old flame. It's just called R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!!
Chris Rock is HILARIOUS and so on point! I can honestly say that almost all of my guy friends who are just "friends" could have been more at some point if they had "made the right turn" (not a slut, but could have been when you think about it like that)!! The ones who there was never anything, well most of them--I suspected were gay. Very few do I or did I believe would just be "friends," but I have a few. Be that as it may, for those relationships where I managed to keep it platonic, I have been richly rewarded now. Some of my purely platonic guy friends give the best advice, understand me best and are excellent listeners. In all honesty, once he made the "wrong turn" and didn't try, I've always become turned OFF and only wanted to be friends anyway, so it works out. In fact, I think it would be a little intimidating to introduce a platonic friend to someone I was dating because he would vet him like a father or brother would and I appreciate that. I also think there is some healthy pause to a man knowing there is another man who could become the "in case of emergency" without a stop at the club or a few flirty phone conversations. I think purely platonic relationships with the opposite sex are great as long as there is no disrespect. As a woman, we can handle that, but I think its naive to think something couldn't pop off at the right vulnerable moment. We know when we are going to cross that bridge when we call him though.
On another note, as to when its MY man...you have to, want to and need to be confident when dealing with these "platonic" female friends, but if you really listen to what Chris Rock is saying, he is talking about what WE need to watch out for. As women, we know how to put our best charm on and sink in our teeth when appropriate or inappropriate. And when our relationship emotions run high, we need a good man to tell us how great we are...who else but the platonic friend! Many single women are going back through their yearbooks, phone books and emails for the guy who was a friend, but could have possibly been more. They are looking for someone to fill that 30 something single void...and the first place to go.... Pooky who knew you and stuck by you at your worst in college or high school....who cares if Pooky is now in a happy relationship with someone else...and when the in case of emergency glass gets broken...we (new girlfriend) gotta believe Pooky will simply be the FRIEND he has always been and pick up the glass only! But we should never make him feel like we don't trust that he will only be a helper because thats when things breakdown. At the end of the day, Ty says it best, smile, wink, nod, engage...but watch her first, not him!
Chris Rock is HILARIOUS and so on point! I can honestly say that almost all of my guy friends who are just "friends" could have been more at some point if they had "made the right turn" (not a slut, but could have been when you think about it like that)!! The ones who there was never anything, well most of them--I suspected were gay. Very few do I or did I believe would just be "friends," but I have a few. Be that as it may, for those relationships where I managed to keep it platonic, I have been richly rewarded now. Some of my purely platonic guy friends give the best advice, understand me best and are excellent listeners. In all honesty, once he made the "wrong turn" and didn't try, I've always become turned OFF and only wanted to be friends anyway, so it works out. In fact, I think it would be a little intimidating to introduce a platonic friend to someone I was dating because he would vet him like a father or brother would and I appreciate that. I also think there is some healthy pause to a man knowing there is another man who could become the "in case of emergency" without a stop at the club or a few flirty phone conversations. I think purely platonic relationships with the opposite sex are great as long as there is no disrespect. As a woman, we can handle that, but I think its naive to think something couldn't pop off at the right vulnerable moment. We know when we are going to cross that bridge when we call him though.
On another note, as to when its MY man...you have to, want to and need to be confident when dealing with these "platonic" female friends, but if you really listen to what Chris Rock is saying, he is talking about what WE need to watch out for. As women, we know how to put our best charm on and sink in our teeth when appropriate or inappropriate. And when our relationship emotions run high, we need a good man to tell us how great we are...who else but the platonic friend! Many single women are going back through their yearbooks, phone books and emails for the guy who was a friend, but could have possibly been more. They are looking for someone to fill that 30 something single void...and the first place to go.... Pooky who knew you and stuck by you at your worst in college or high school....who cares if Pooky is now in a happy relationship with someone else...and when the in case of emergency glass gets broken...we (new girlfriend) gotta believe Pooky will simply be the FRIEND he has always been and pick up the glass only! But we should never make him feel like we don't trust that he will only be a helper because that's when things breakdown. At the end of the day, Ty says it best, smile, wink, nod, engage...but watch her first, not him!
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