In the last two years I've been to/invited to; 5 weddings and 4 baby showers. Not to mention countless birth and engagement announcements. It's enough to make your head spin. In all actuality it's no wonder that so many of us "rush in" to relationships; throwing caution to the wind with one goal in mind...GET A RING!
We're proud of our crowning academic achievements, accolades from senior management for saving the company millions or having the wherewithal to purchase a home. However, as we take stock of our lives and start ticking off the boxes we find that we're already 30+; unmarried and without children. Once this happens the proverbial "clock" seems to start ticking louder with each passing day. Simply put it's pressure...from parents, grandparents, friends, family and our subconscious. This pressure often causes us to make erratic decisions...thus rushing in!
I distinctly remember a conversation with an uncle a few years back. I was about 26 years old, single, and having fun. He asked if I were a lesbian because I didn't have a boyfriend or fiancee. I was taken aback for a moment because I didn't think there was anything wrong with my "dating life." I've had friends tell me their families have asked about marriage and children as well. One would think that with the escalating divorce rate and rampant infidelity, our vigilance would be applauded.
Rushing in to anything, especially a relationship is never a good idea. It takes time to build a foundation and learn what a person is like. Being with someone or getting involved just for the sake of being, is often our demise. I am a firm believer in knowing how to be alone FIRST. This may sound extreme but if we cannot go out to dinner or a movie with ourselves then we don't need to be in a relationship. We have to stand on our own before we can be a crutch to someone else. Now when I say crutch I don't mean taking on a lot of mess or being naive. I am referring to a support system, yin and yang...the ultimate balancing act. How can we help keep balance if we aren't balanced?
A final thought...being alone is not an automatic negative. It's during our alone time we've probably grown more and learned more about ourselves than we ever could while in a serious relationship. It's a time to really pay attention to our own needs and get ourselves together mentally, spiritually and physically. Sometimes we are being prepared for our future husband. So, ladies the next time someone questions your relationship status simply smile and say, " I'm happily single!"
4 comments:
I have mixed feelings about being single. I love not having to answer to anyone, I love being able to come and go as I please and I love doing what I want when I want.
But I must admit that I do get very lonely from time to time. I miss not having someone hold me, I miss not having someone to share my life with. But I have been in bad relationships and it is not worth it. I want to be with my bestfriend, someone I can be my complete, total self with. I want a LIFE partner, someone who is there to share my life with, and I refuse to settle for anything less.
What a great post! I am sorry if I am one of the people that put pressure on you with the whole marriage thing. I do think you are so right about being comfortable with yourself before commiting to someone else. Now where is that what to do when three women whip out their boobs post :)
I agree "changingfaces". I too have mixed feelings about being "happily single" as Ms. Ty so eloquently put it, which I am going to use!! But anyway, I do too feel that I enjoy being alone and I am very comfortable with going to dinner and movies by myself (dating me). On the flip side, sometimes I get very lonely as well and feel like my best years are going by without a partner to share things with. I get by, filling the void with my boys and their activities and traveling. I try not to let the fact that I am alone, consume my every thought. Ms. Ty will tell you, its with a certain degree of difficulty for me to even meet decent men. Everywhere we go, both of us are critiquing the atmosphere and the men!! More times than I care to recall, we come away with ZERO. I have no race requirements, no professional requirements, but he must be at least 6", working and have transportation!
Funny, I am experiencing the withdrawal of my "happily single" times right now! We all take for granted that as much as it is great to have someone to hold, someone to talk to about anything, someone who really wants to get every little quirk about you--RELATIONSHIP=WORK!!!! Especially when you look at someone and believe that God sent him to you for the rest of your life. As you learn about him and he about you, you have to be true to you. If you're yourself, then its easier to "rush" closer together or further apart quickly...most times we are not ourselves.
There are so many benefits to being single that I failed to acknowledge and appreciate when I was and I will capitalize on if I have the opportunity again. Keep your heads up girls, God's got a blessing with your name on it!
This song says a lot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEzbkGj7EaQ
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