Saturday, October 16, 2010

Out of Obligation

How many times have we been told that communication is key? It's key on the job, abroad, and within the home. There is no area in our lives that cannot benefit from proper communication. That being said, the dynamic between male and female communication is complex to say the least. Not to say that the roles aren't sometimes reversed; men can be quite abstract in their interpretation of things, while women at times tend to take things for their literal meaning. This brings me to the topic of acting out of obligation.

Obligation~ something by which a person is bound or obliged to do certain things, and which arises out of a sense of duty or results from custom, law, etc.
2. an indebtedness
3. a favor, service, or benefit for which gratitude is due

When speaking about obligation I often think of moral, financial, and career responsibilities.  For instance, you are obligated to provide proper care for your children and to show up to work on time. When looked at from that perspective it makes it hard to view obligation as anything other than something you are required to do.  This viewpoint almost makes obligation seem like a bad word. No one wants to feel like they are being forced to do anything.  In my opinion my fiance does not open the car door out of a sense of indebtedness, it is because he wants to.  You cooking dinner for your boyfriend/husband is not because you owe him a favor.   

Wherein a female may choose another word, men probably view obligation as, "take care of me because you love me" versus "do things because you owe me." My point is that lapses in communication take place all of the time.  Men and women naturally view things differently, however we are obligated in our relationships to keep the line of communication open even when we disagree on the semantics.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Stay Tuned...

It's been a while since I've last connected with you, but as you know life happens. Sometimes it happens faster than we like, which is my case. Despite this I'm back and ready to discuss some good topics that are bound to get the dialogue going. With all that's occurred in 2010 I know we will have a good time ushering in 2011. As always be blessed!

Ms. Ty

Monday, February 15, 2010

He Loves Me He Loves Me Not

Valentines, jewelry, candy and maybe even a car! So, does that mean he loves you any more?

I've read anti-Valentine Facebook posts and had several conversations about the "day of love." To my amazement there are a lot of people who do not support or believe in the holiday, my boyfriend is one. His logic and the logic of others is this...why put emphasis on buying things, showing love, on one designated day; when you should be doing this year round. I do have to also mention his disdain for the "evil empire Hallmark", whom he believes has set out to capitalize on the holiday. That being said, what do you think?

The history of Valentines Day has nothing to do with love at all. The Valentines were early Christian martyrs from the 1st century. The most notable were a Roman priest and bishop. It was not until the 14th century that romantic elements were introduced. Fast forward to 1847 when the first Valentine cards were created by Esther Howland of Great Britain. What started out as a small card business is now a multi-million dollar machine.

It's nice to receive a thoughtful card, chocolates and jewelry. I'd be lying if I said otherwise; however if one day of love and bliss is all you have during the year then something is wrong. It shouldn't take Valentines Day to hear your significant other say, "I love you and you're the most important person in my life." You shouldn't have to wait for that one day to receive flowers or jewelry. For some, it's the only time of the year that your significant other acknowledges your existence. If this is the case then there is cause for re-evaluation.

Your worth is not tied to a card or a fancy dinner. It is in the things that you do everyday like; your ability to encourage, maintain a household, hold down a job, and keep friendships/relationships in tact. No, I didn't get candy or flowers but the love and support I do get throughout the year mean far more than any material items received on one day!

Friday, January 22, 2010

New Year, New You

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

With the ushering in of 2010 we not only get a fresh start to a new year, but a new decade as well. This opens the door of opportunity for a new attitude, thought process, view on life, etc. To get there requires us to leave behind all that held us back in 2009.

So many times we get bogged down by what should have or could have been. Oftentimes we're so fixated on our shortcomings that we can't see our triumphs. This should be a time for self reflection and re-direction. If things didn't work out in 2009, fix them in 2010. If you had a negative attitude in 2009, strive to be more positive in 2010. If life was full of doom and gloom, focus on those things that are full of hope. Believe that this year will be different and put the actions needed to make it so in play. It's not about a resolution...but a life change. Keep in mind our thoughts dictate our actions and our actions dictate our lives.

Like the changing of the seasons, a new year allows you to metamorphose into something more beautiful and spectacular than before. Remember it's a brand new day and new beginning for you. Take advantage of this chance to grow a better you!

Friday, January 8, 2010

What's Up With Your Hair

Braids, dreads, weaves, wigs, extensions, ponytails, twists, naturals, afros, press & curls, relaxers, doobies, jheri curls and finger waves...some chic and not so chic hairstyles black women have worn to express and define their style throughout the years.

The Science:

The kinky texture of our hair served as protection from extremely hot temperatures in Africa. Basically the texture and thickness of our hair is what kept the sun's UV rays, from scorching our heads and prevented overheating of the body and brain. Based on this discovery I immediately thought natural is probably better. However, natural isn't always convenient or manageable.

Usher in relaxers...

In the early 19th century a man by the name of Garrett Augustus Morgan discovered that it was possible to change the structure of the hair shaft; via the chemical sodium hydroxide. During the relaxing process the cream based chemical is applied to the hair at the root. After being left on for several minutes the hair begins to straighten. For those of us with unruly thick hair this is a Godsend, however it also causes irreparable damage to your hair. Additionally, it may cause damage to the scalp and hair loss if left on too long.

Myth 1: We wear fake hair to look like other races

In all honesty weave and wigs aren't worn because we're trying to be someone other than ourselves. Weave and wigs are worn out of convenience or the need for change. Oftentimes they're worn to take the daily stress off of our own hair. Furthermore, they offer versatility without having to alter your own mane. For instance if you want to test out a new haircut it's much better to do with a weave or wig.

Myth 2: Our hair doesn't grow long

Sometimes people see a black woman with long hair and immediately think weave...not so! The growth rate of hair is on a case by case basis. There are those black women whose hair grows like weeds and others that don't. A lot of what we put in our hair contributes to its overall health and ultimately its growth. If your hair is healthy and well taken care of it will grow.

Hair clearly serves a physiological purpose but is often seen more as an accessory of sorts. Understanding how black hair works is the best west way to appreciate its uniqueness. With that being said there's also the need to recognize that what works for some may not work for others.