Stop Dating Our Men

In discussing this topic, I'm reminded of a scene in the movie Jungle Fever (1991). Queen Latifah, playing a waitress, at the soul food restaurant Sylvia’s completely ignores Wesley Snipes and Annabella Sciorra who are sitting at a table in her station. Wesley asks if they can place their order, at which point she hurls insults saying, "Go parade your white woman around somewhere else." This sentiment has been echoed in other films including; The Brothers and Waiting to Exhale, ironically enough this ideology is often present in those films written or produced by black film makers.

In these instances one might say, I've proved the myth right...but what's really behind it all?

First off let me begin by saying, personally I have no problem with black men dating white women. I do however; have a problem with those men who generalize women and date based on that generalization. For instance, I've heard black men say they only date white women because they are easy or gullible. On the other hand I've had black men tell me that they don't date black women because we have too much attitude or lack class. Both view points I deem to be insulting. Prefacing this statement with, in my experiences, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that "most" black women, especially from the later generations, do not have a problem issue with black men dating white women.

The problem as I see it is this...

Until the latter part of the 20th century most black women were portrayed as or thought to be mammies; the overweight Aunt Jemima type with prominent "African features," deemed unattractive. Only those closer in appearance to their white counterparts (i.e. Lena Horne, Josephine Baker) were revered in society. White women on the other hand, were viewed as pure, perfect and the prototype of beauty. It's with this philosophy that black women have a problem. Black women are frequently portrayed in a misogynistic manner or regarded as over sexed booty shakers. Unfortunately, we seldom see black women consistently depicted in a positive light. Add to that; accusations of Beyonce being airbrushed a lighter complexion on a magazine cover, Lil Kim severely altering her appearance (blue eyes, thin nose), and countless "most beautiful people" lists excluding the likes of Sanaa Lathan and Angela Bassett. All of these issues, in effect, add to the myth.

It would be absurd of me to think that every black woman shares my sentiments on this topic. That being said, society is foolish to believe that most black women don't. This country's history is largely predicated on race; race and the prejudices surrounding it will ALWAYS play a part in how we view ourselves and each other. All women have their strengths and weaknesses. Who we are in life varies not just by race; but our upbringing, demographics and personal experiences. It is wise to keep these things in mind before assigning a blanket stereotype. My synopsis is that until we stop allowing society to dictate our "ranking" this will remain an issue and topic for debate.

As always thank you for giving audience to my post. I hope that you enjoy what I've written and feel moved to comment.

Be Blessed!

A Purpose Driven Moment

I'm not a deeply religious person, though I am very spiritual. My beliefs and faith in God guide me in everything that I do (though I periodically slip-up). Still, I felt led to talk about this. Sometimes we struggle in life trying to find our purpose and place; doubt plagues our minds and our hearts. If you were raised in a Christian based environment then you know it is at these moments you have to rely on your faith to get through.

I recently be-friended someone who was going through some tough times in their life and needed a real friend. Additionally, I was questioning God's reasoning for placing me in an environment with so much turmoil and instability. However, I quickly realized that it was not about me but was a chance for me to use my own experiences to minister to someone else. All in all it is not how many church services we attend or auxiliaries we belong to; it's about showing God's grace through our actions.

I do not believe that our encounters with others are by happenstance. Nor do I believe that the trials we go through are our own. What I do believe is that we often endure so that our victory can be a testimony for someone else. On this day I thank God for turning every adverse event in my life into something positive. I thank Him even more for giving me the strength I needed to get through them. It is because of those low moments that I am able to attest to the high ones yet to come. I can now say that I fully understand what a purpose driven moment is. May God's grace be with you all.

I'm A Flirt

A wink here, a smile there...but what's really good with flirting!


Scenario 1: You're out with your girlfriends in a club on a Friday night. The music is great, the atmosphere is groovy and the drinks are flowing! For once you're allowing yourself the opportunity to enjoy some "me time" with the girls while your significant other is at home. A very dapper gentleman (your type) sends you a drink and requests your presence at his table. You oblige, opting to check him out. When you get to the table he is smooth as silk with his approach. You eventually grin and giggle your way into oblivion. By the time it's all over you're ready to give out everything but your SSN.
It's only talking right...

Depending on how far you take it flirting can quickly turn from an eye wink to something much more sinister. We all like to know that we still have it, but at what cost? Is it going too far to give out a number over an email? Should a drink from a potential suitor be accepted if your married/in a relationship?

In the end it's all based upon the individual and the circumstance. My advice is to be cognizant of how your actions are perceived by the recipient, your partner and others. Flirting can indeed be harmless and even fun, but in the wrong situation can lead to serious trouble.